Big 12? Big 10? Who cares.

Ah, Husker football is among us once again. It is once again time to put on that Husker jersey and wear it with pride. It is once again time to make preparations for who's house is going to host the first game and who's going to dish out the $30 bucks for the pay-per-view channel it's on. It's time once again to buy that coveted NCAA Football game that comes out yearly around this month and see how well represented Nebraska is portrayed...and play Missouri the first chance we get running up the score in the process. That darn Gabbert....ooooohhhh!!!

Yes, Husker fever is starting to transpire. And along with all the hype on the upcoming season, I've been thinking long and hard about this final year in the Big Texas League...i mean Big 12, and wanted to compare a lot of the Big 12 teams to a somewhat dysfunctional family.

Let's start with the weaker half of the division (minus Nebraska of course), the North:

Kansas State - That one cousin that always thinks he's better than you in a lot of aspects but always get's proven wrong time after time.

Kansas - The younger brother whom you loved to tease for 32 years, then bulks up and surprises you with a left hook to the face.

Colorado - Douche bag step brother who thinks they're your equal and thinks they can take you year after year only to get knocked out time after time.

Iowa State - Ex-girlfriend who got lucky with you once.

Missouri - Drunk delusional Uncle who's an embarrassment to be seen with.

There you have it. The North Division in a nut shell. Now, to the South:

Oklahoma - Your wise brother whom you describe as your respected equal (who you beat every now and then)

Oklahoma State - Your rich father-in-law who tries to buy the best stuff money can buy, but never seems to work because in the end he's still a loser.

Texas A&M - That OTHER drunk Uncle who makes you laugh at family get togethers with the assumption that he's funny when you're actually laughing at him because he puked on himself.

Texas Tech - The older brother you try to defend yourself with when he wants to fight, but always seems to kick your teeth in even though you're ten times stronger.

Baylor - Your baby sister.

Texas - Your athletically gifted muscle-toned (possibly lesbian) ugly sister who you despised for years making fun of you, picking on you, and barely beating you in everything thinking they're the beez-neez only to eventually realize you've become faster, stronger, taller, more tone, and more attractive. The beatings and humiliation she once laid upon you will now come to a stop.

See you October 16th Texas.

So there you have it. Texas has replaced Missouri (at least for me) as the most hated team in the Big 12. Family Values will be better in the Big 10, mark my words.

You at least get a better allowance.